The Final Chapter
by georgiebee
Summary: Hazel and Gus have a baby, Amy, but Hazel is suddenly taken ill and Gus is by her side as she breathes her last breath.


'I want you to promise me, that no matter what happens, you'll take care of her and love her and never let her forget how much she meant to us.'

Tears were starting to fall down my cheeks, and this time I didn't try to stop them. If this was to be my final farewell, who was I to deny my body its last chance to cry?

Augustus reached across the small gap between us and grabbed my hand tightly in his, pulling it in to his chest. He wasn't making eye contact, and I was oddly grateful I wouldn't have to see the pain in his eyes, knowing that it was all my fault. Once a grenade, always a grenade.

'I don't want you to go…' He began strongly, before his face crumpled and his iron defences fell way, his body quickly heaving with sobs. He was holding my hand so tightly it felt like blood was struggling to reach my fingertips, but watching him, so small, so fragile, a lost little boy.. I didn't have the heart to pull my hand away. As long as I felt pain I was still alive, still by his side, still breathing.

'I'm so… sorry.' I said through tears, making it even harder to breathe than normal. I tried to sit up and lean over to him to try and provide some comfort, but my body had failed me long ago and the cancer inside my bones showed no sympathy.

'You, are not leaving me Haze, you're not.'

'Gus..'

'No!' The sudden outburst made me flinch. He was still holding my hand, squeezing it tighter than before as if letting go would give me permission to let go of this life, something neither of us was ready for. 'You can't. You can't leave me like this. I won't let you do it, I won't Hazel Grace. I love you, I love you and I want you here and it's not fair, it's not fair on me and it's not fair on Amy and it's not fair on you… it's just, It's not fair..'

'It's… life.' I wheezed, trying to squeeze his hand back but not being able to muster the strength.

'It sucks.' His voice quieted. The grip on my hand loosened slightly. I could almost feel the fight and determination draining from him, like it had in my parents long ago. He looked up, his eyes red, his body shaking. He tenderly reached out and stroked my face, wiping away the fresh tears.

The whole crying thing was making my breathing more erratic, harder to draw breath in to my lungs, and I suddenly felt very trapped. If the shell I'd been cursed to live in was going to fail me, it could at least do it with some dignity, not slowly break up and crumble from the inside out. I wasn't so much in agony, although it did hurt to breathe, as much as I was annoyed that comforting the person I loved most on the planet wasn't something I was physically able to do anymore. Perhaps it would have been better if my brain had started to decay at the same rate as the rest of me, at least by now I wouldn't still be the same Hazel I was before, just in a skin sac that refused to cooperate. I'd be too far gone to be worrying or caring or thinking or loving Gus so much it felt like my heart was burning as much as my lungs were.

They say that you can feel when death is knocking. I never thought that was true, vicious rumour.. after all, if death is that close how many people are still alive afterwards to let you know? But… I could feel it. I could feel it in my bones, cancer ridden as they were, that this was the day I was destined to draw my final breath. I'd witnessed my last sunrise, woken up for the very last time on this earth. This useless body was done fighting.

And suddenly, death seemed to be coming for me. I wasn't ready to leave just yet, Gus was right. None of this was fair. Why didn't I get to see my daughter grow up? Why was I robbed of the chance to walk down the aisle in a beautiful gown to marry the man I loved? Why had my body fought for so long, only to give up when my life had finally begun to mean something? Not that that meant anything anymore. Being bitter and jealous and self-pitying wasn't going to make my body work again.

'Gus..' I heaved, my lungs officially starting to cease their whole 'oxygen' thing.

He stared at me, and I stared back, my heavy breathing filling the silence.

'It's time, isn't it?' He whispered.

I nodded, my breath getting heavier still, air scratching at my lungs, burning inside my chest as if it was polluting my body.

'Lay.. With.. me.' I managed. I was starting to panic now, trying to draw in as much air as my lungs could handle but no matter how deep the breath seemed to be the feeling of airlessness stayed the same. I could feel my head starting to swim, fuzzy dark clouds filling up my headspace, caused no doubt from the lack of oxygen.

I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to fully focus on oxygen intake. I felt the bed shift, and Gus climbed in next to me, curling up like a child, his head resting on my tummy lightly. He still held my hand. He knew as well as I did that it was the last chance he was going to get.

I could feel him crying, hear small, muffled breaths.

The air wasn't there anymore. My lungs were wheezing and searching but they were no longer compatible with this earth. I didn't have long left, and I still had so much to say, but I didn't know if I could say anything at all.

I opened my mouth slightly, using all the strength left in my body to draw one final, big breath.

Darkness started to cloud up my head, dizzy, fingertips tingling. But no longer in any pain.

'O…kay?' I wheezed, air leaving my broken lungs for the last time.

A few seconds later, I got my reply.

'Okay.'


End file.
